the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
