you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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