just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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