saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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