that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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