LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
