Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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