I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
