Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
