is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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