Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
