Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
