we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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