i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
