Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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