I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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