i always forget guys have bellybuttons
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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