i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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