i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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