I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
