Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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