My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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