guys are only as good as the porn they watch
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is the high leading the old right now
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
