he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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