Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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