i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
