Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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