So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Text me some of your sweat
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