I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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