areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
