I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
