is your mom at the bar?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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