First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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