Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
