very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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