Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
