You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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