Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
