my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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