Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
