I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't turn off my feet"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
