I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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