i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was