We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me