I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.