She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
