time to smoke my breakfast
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
