SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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