Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
