Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
