I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
