I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
