they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
