i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize