could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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