GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
