Me. At least after what I've been through.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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