One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
