Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
