I'm eating all of the evidence.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
