How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
