Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
