Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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